Red Flags are a thing.

The first tinder story has arrived.

Since you last heard from me, I’ve had a few matches on tinder. Conversations were pretty blah. But getting to have conversations with new people is kinda cool I guess. Yeah no, I lied. New people in general is just really not my thing. Like I’m super awkward, terrible at maintaining conversations, not uber into talking about myself. NOT that I don’t like me, cause I’m pretty obsessed with myself. But yea i’m weird so the whole chatting with new people normally doesn’t go very well.

Anywho so, most of the matches just wanted to hook up which I ignored because I’m not that bored with my life to entertain it. Some tried to invite themselves over to watch a movie with me just cause I told them I was watching one. Like excuse you SIR, I was stating a fact, not telling you to invite yourself. Those matches faded quickly. And the others well held enough conversations without me ruining it or them.

“…. some of these stories may seem crazy because I was on some pain meds, but SWEAR they really did happen.”

So on to match #1, he gave himself a quick intro. I told him I was hanging out at the coffee shop and he was like lets go get ice cream or something tonight and then went right in and asked for my number. I gave it to him. MISTAKE numero uno. He didn’t open that message til like 2 hours later so about midnight. **side note** I had just had shoulder surgery in this time frame so I was barely awake for most of the day and my bedtime was usually 8pm.** SO to say less, some of these stories may seem crazy because I was on some pain meds, but SWEAR they really did happen. regardless of my loopyness.**

OKay back to the action. This dude, texts me and was like “yo my bad totally didn’t see your message lets meet up and do something.” I am dead asleep so I didn’t reply. He calls me. Texts again like “we can go eat ice cream or whatever you want, you there?” AND THIS DUDE…. calls me again. I wake up the next morning like waitaminute. Why he so crazy? RED FLAG number one.

So that was most definitely a red flag, but I was like maybe he’s chill. I’ll do a short little lunch that’s casual or ya know. I didn’t wanna miss my blessing or anything. HAHA

SO the next day, he was all like ya lets go to IHOP at like noon, Ill pick you up. I had to shower and being that I have one functional arm, I knew it would take some time. blah blah He came by and picked me up, strongly don’t suggest giving strangers your number or riding in the same car with them. BUT hey I was naive. lol I get in the car and he was WAY more awkward than me. Didn’t think that was even possible but lemme tell you. It was bad so I asked where he was from all the main “get to know someone” questions. He had a really strong accent and turns out he was from Ghana. What are my odds. but moving on we are answering questions.

Some where in the questions he asked my fav restaurant in town, which is Texas roadhouse and he was like well lets go there. Which is totally fine with change of plans, I’m flexible and stuff. MISTAKE number two. Then he was being super weird and trying to make me laugh and leaning over and like nudging me on the arm. And he was saying weird things like, “oh you had to shower with one arm, I bet that was hard. Did you need any help? Help to scrub the place on your back?” LIKE…. What in the F. Bro slow your role.  So we were headed to Roadhouse and had been in the car maybe 5 minutes, not even… we were stopped at a stop light, and this mf turns to me and goes “so what do you want from this?”

Soooo back to me being awkward, I literally sit in silence for a minute and he goes what is it, like why are you on tinder? I go I’m just looking to meet new people that’s all and he goes ohhh thats it? YEP THAT’S IT. In my head, all I hear is ABORT, abort, abort, abort, like JUMP out the car with my one arm. Then he says Was that too much? I’m like yea but your free to ask questions – I’m not here to jump into a future so thats that. RED FLAG number two.

We get to Roadhouse, we get out the car and he tries to get handsie and put his arm around me as we’re walking in the parking lot, I go uh no and walk farther out from him. He looked at me really strangely like, was that not okay? RED FLAG number 3.

The torture continues…… There was a wait, so I go let’s just eat at the bar, so we get up there and he orders a beer and I get water, he looks at me and goes “you don’t drink?” I go “yes I do.” BUT it’s noon and I’m good. Plus I knew I was on pain meds so I didn’t need to mix anything lol. then the bartender asks if we’re ready to order, I go yeah and he looks at me with shock. He goes “wait I thought we were just getting drinks and waiting to be seated.” “I go no, these seat here are at the bar are fine.” I could easily see the game and have plenty of ways to avoid conversation with you. LOL I was most definitely ready to leave before we even got in the restaurant. But since we rode togetherrrrrrrr, I had no way of backing out.

The best is yet to come…….

So conversation was still going. KINDA. and man, when I tell you I thought we were actually having normal conversation and then BLOOP. The tide turns, he goes “do you have any kids”, I go “nope do you?” and he goes “nope, its hard to find someone these days who don’t have kids.” I go ya. THEN this dude decides to give no fucks, and says “so do you take birth control?” RED FLAG number 4

HOLD UP…. in my head, I was like no, he didn’t really ask me that. So I ignored it  being my awkward self and like started to browse the restaurant, there was a kid doing the birthday “yeehaw” thing so I was watching that… BUT i was mistaken that I could some how avoid his questions,  and he apparently couldn’t resist.

HE ASKS ME AGAIN… as if I for some odd reason i did NOT hear him. So I flat out told him “oh I heard you the first time. But yes.” He goes “I was just asking to see if you were taking precautions not to have kids.” like OH okay, i must have misinterpreted your reason for asking. But then he says “so are you on birth control now?” I stare at him like that is none of your business. We are at mf lunch! In public, during the broad daylight, NOT out for drinks, nor did I come over to your house. Nope none of that. LUNCH. Apparently lunch is not casual anymore. So he goes “was that too personal.” ??? EXCUSE ME. I’ve literally told you my name and small random facts. PERSONAL. you passed that, and hour ago. So “let’s chill out with all that.”  He goes “sorry, that’s just who I am.” Fair.

We are finally done eating we get back in the car and he’s like “where to now?” **On a normal day, I would be napping by noon already so.** I definitely needed a way out so, I go “I’m tired so I’m gonna go home and nap.” Thanks. And he goes “well I was gonna see if you wanted to come over and we could watch a movie or play xbox.” I was like “no thanks, I think i’ll nap.” He was like “well you can come over and nap at my place.” I LITERALLY WANTED TO SCREAM… NO THANKS. But I just told him again “no please take me home.” Is it really that hard for you boys to catch a clue?? like if I’m into you, you will know and not have to force anything. Im just sayin’      yup you guessed it, RED FLAG number 5….

So we got back to my house.. And he unbuckles his seat belt………. blooop NO. I open the door and go “okay well thanks see ya.” He goes “well don’t be a stranger,” and I shut the door.

Now, I haven’t been on a “date” if that’s what we are calling it. *eye roll* in a long time but…. I’m pretty sure they are supposed to go alot easier than this one. Pretty much I have decided that the dating world is not for me. Like I was in shock the whole time that someone I DON’T KNOW wanted to ask me…. like one of the most personal questions there is out there.  I was looking to go on a normal, casual conversation date, but with my life I should have known that wouldn’t have happened. Now, some of my friends mentioned that maybe he just went the extra mile to take you out before asking for sex, or wanted to pay for your lunch so then I owed him something. Which BTW, I paid for my own lunch because I wanted to avoid the whole “owing” him something.

Literally I took the rest of the afternoon to relax my brain because I couldn’t believe that this was my life. Is this just the dating “norm” in this generation?  Anywho I did kinda feel like maybe there was a culture difference that he hadn’t quite adapted too but… Why give boys excuses for their behavior. like the questions he had.. were they really all that necessary?? no. He had no reason to ask me those questions unless I was in his bedroom about to do something more with him.

 

Welp, there was the craziness one, and although I felt like it was a nightmare, I learned quite a few things..

TIPS:

*MEET UP WITH THEM >>Drive separate cars to wherever you are meeting. You can leave whenever you want, You have control of the time you spend or DON’T spend.

*BE TRANSPARENT >> have the conversation of what you are “here” for BEFORE you meet up with them. This will more times than not, help you avoid awkward conversations in person, and they may not waste your time on meeting up LOL

*TALK FOR MORE THAN A DAY>> the more you vibe through conversation, maybe it’ll be easier in person or you will atleast know more about them *not 100% on this yet, haven’t tested my theory.*

*ALWAYS TELL SOMEONE YOU KNOW, that you are going out with a stranger>> I made it home safely, but there are stories where some girls don’t. Have a friend check in every 20 minutes to see how it’s going. SAFETY first ladies.

 

 

 

IF you are all wondering….

Nope I have not went out on another date from Tinder or Bumble, taking a break from the craziness that is apparently attracted to me. Oh and haha I have heard from match #1 since, so that’s a blessing.

Stay tuned for more of The Chaos, literally.

And hey, be kind and hit the subscribe button. XOXO.

 

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