The season of change.

Fall has officially arrived. I don’t know where you all live but the weather has already cooled off in Kansas. Like it was literally 90 degrees the other day and now it is 70 something. Trust me I am not complaining, it’s nice. I am definitely the “fall weather” type of girl. I love sitting outside and wrapping up in a blanket, sitting at bonfire or having to put on a hoodie with my shorts in the morning. I love the colder weather. Plus it’s football season so it is about time the weather caught up. Living in Manhattan has really amped up my love for football because once football season starts, the whole city just comes to life. Saturday is just a completely different feeling than any other Saturdays, including the terrible traffic. But I can’t complain because Saturdays become Caturdays, and football and K-state become 100x what they were a couple months ago. SO HAPPY FALL.

Anywho, another reason I love fall is the changing of the seasons. For me the change of seasons, is like a new start. I’m not really the person who does “New Year resolutions” because my mentality is larger than trying to change myself between the end of December and the month of January. It may have taken me a while to get there, but I realized you can’t change or become the better person you want to be in A MONTH, you should always be growing, continually. And knowing it takes time to create a better you, is a huge step. It takes time to create your whole masterpiece, time to find yourself, or to accomplish goals. Nothing happens over night, and it definitely doesn’t happen in one month.

“…but I realized you can’t change or become the better person you want to be in A MONTH, you should always be growing, continually.”

For me, it is easier to focus on seasons. To think these next three months or this season, I want to accomplish this. Like changing a bad habit, or discovering something new about myself. Right now, I feel like I have had pretty steady growth over this year, by really focusing in on where I want to grow and then taking those small steps each season to achieve them. Since I’ve been 25 for about 6 months now, I really feel like I started to embrace that I am not on a time clock, in anyway what so ever. I do not have to be married by this age, or have a baby by this age, or have a certain number of commas in my bank account, or have my own house, or feel like I need to reach a promotion by this age. There is no magic age and accepting this and finally joining in and enjoying my OWN journey, has let myself slow down with my life. Before, I use to waste time dreaming and trying to fast forward to my future and I missed so much of my life doing this.

I would definitely say with this change of the season, I have really enjoyed the direction my life is going. I love being single, I have so much more time for ME, focusing on my own dreams and my goals. And currently this weather has me beyond motivated to continue my journey of change. Seeing all the change around me; the change of the trees with leaves falling off, some plants are blooming while others are dying. I think seeing other things change around me forces me to create change in my own life.

So…. in the spirit of the seasons changing and working on becoming the best me.

  • I plan to embrace my singleness
  • Explore new places
  • Book flights to places I’ve been planning but haven’t took time to go
  • Showing up more for friends who are showing up for me
  • Completing small projects I’ve been putting off
  • holding myself accountable for my actions and choices.
  • I hope to be more consistent with my blog and and putting more into my blog for all of you!!

What do y’all have planned for your season of change??

 

 

 

P.S.     The small group of you who support me and take time to read anything I write about. You all really keep my dream of my blog reaching the full potential. So thank you for being a part of my chaos.
XOXO

12:12am

Here’s to being extremely vulnerable with this blog.

 

I’m one of those girls. Just like every other 20 some year old girl, you know the one who has been heart broken. Whose heart has been damaged. I’ve been through it, experienced more heart break than I would have ever thought I would have to. Many optimistic people say “it will get better…. the one who deserves you will find you” “it will all be worth it”  All the cliche shit. It gets old trust me I know, I have heard more than enough of it. But then the other side, the pessimists come in and tell you
“there is alot more heartache coming your way, you’re only 25.” “You’re still young, there are so many men to meet and ones who will hurt you”

Personally screw that. Both of those cases sound terrible. I don’t see happiness in either of those options. Like I don’t want to experience anymore pain. Whether that is heart break, emotional, or mental confusion. I just don’t want to go through it again. Which is why I think I am being so picky lately. Picky with the people in my life, with the people who get my time. Picky with who I choose to spend time with or choose to hold a conversation with. I have put so much effort into relationships and people that never gave HALF of that effort back to me. Do you know how hard it is, at the end of the day to fill yourself back up after you have just poured it all out for someone else? Just to get none of that back, it is exhausting. Constantly pouring out, and then attempting to refill it all by yourself. It is draining; mentally, emotionally, and physically. And it is not a healthy way to live.

Relationships really have to be two, separate people. “Two souls joined as one.” Like each person has to be their own person. Someone else should not be coming into your life to complete you. You should want someone to better YOU, join you in your journey, not be your journey.

Honestly after all the hurt, I would say I am so focused on me, just me. Focused on my own journey and where I am going.  And once you find YOU. Once you re-focus and set your mind on you and only you, it is so freeing. I know some of y’all know what I mean cause you have probably been there. Put your focus on someone else, worried where they were going and what was next for them. Or what was next for you as a couple. Always being selfless and thinking of them before yourself.

The best thing I did for myself is stop being so focused on someone else. Someone becoming my husband, or the father of the children I want. I stopped praying that my husband would walk in and we could get this marriage life started. I stopped dreaming of having everything I want, RIGHT NOW. And just started to enjoy my own life. Life with myself. Now I’m stopping to smell the roses, taking deep breaths, realizing I have time. And amazingly I am learning more of my ins and out. Learning what I bring to the table as a woman, a wife, a mother.

“You see your best potential when you focus on yourself and no one else.”

The sooner I focus on myself, the sooner I start to create the best me and become the best woman and wife I need to be. Then and only then will God bring me a man worth my time. A man who wants the same things I want. Until then, it is all about me and God. I know the whole “independent woman” thing has kind of been played out. It’s always been more of a cliche idea that every woman should strive to be. But if were being honest, It really is the truth. You see your best potential when you focus on yourself and no one else. When it’s just you, and you mess up, that blame is on you. You create the disappointment and then you grow from it. You learn to set a higher standard for yourself. No one else is responsible for your own growth , and that alone is an amazing feeling.

I am no where near the woman I need to be or want to be. BUT that is the beauty of it. You determine your own growth and how far you still need to go. No one else is determining your worth, what you should be, or where you should be. It really is a crazy journey and seriously I have never loved learning more about myself. Who I am, and who I am becoming, I am learning to love ME. I have become a stronger woman already with this mentality. I know I still have weak points, and people but I am still working and growing.

Now is the time to Love Yourself, when your 18, 22, 26, shoot even 40. You deserve to learn what loving yourself feels like. If you know how to love yourself correctly. You will hold a much higher standard to others who are in your life or those who come into your life. People cannot love you less than you deserve if you hold them to the same standard you hold yourself. So here is to: self love, growth, strength, wisdom, and becoming the best version of myself, for myself!

I truly hope this finds its way to someone needing that extra push. You got this girl. The best you is inside of you right now, you just have to let her fly.

XOXO.

Thanks for reading, stay tuned for more from The Chaos.